I’ve always felt “off” and not quite properly fitted for the world. It turns out that some of that is due to the fact that I am autistic (what used to be called Asperger’s). I got that diagnosis about a year ago.
But that wasn’t the whole story. 2 months ago, thinking back over my life and my experiences, I had the ultimate “Oh shit” moment of epiphany. It turns out that part of the feeling of disconnect was due to trying to stuff a woman into a (admittedly undersized) man’s body.
Which is to say, in short, that I discovered (admitted to myself) that I am a transgender woman. I have been for as long as I can remember, but due to the environment of growing up in Alabama in the 70’s and 80’s and my undiagnosed ASD, I couldn’t see it for what it was.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
(In order that I have been getting them)
HOW IS FEN?
Fen is amazing and wonderful and couldn’t be happier for me. Our relationship blossomed late last year —thanks to some fantastic counseling — and it’s the best it’s ever been! She’s my biggest supporter and advocate, and a fucking bulldog if she thinks someone is not treating me right (so do right ;) ).
HOW ARE THE KIDS?
A cool side effect of being 100% transparent with your kids about Life™ and taking them on marches is that they treat it like any other positive change in a person’s life. Also, I still yell at them for leaving the kitchen a mess, so not much has changed for them.
ARE YOU GOING TO CHANGE?
I’ve already found myself being more confident, more direct with others, and able to express my ideas and emotions better. In other words, it’s helped a lot with the struggles associated with being autistic.
Other than that, some noun (proper and pro-) updates, and a stylish new look, I’ll be and act like the same person you’ve always known: quirky, supportive, bad at impersonations, good at object work, mediocre pun game, etc.
WHAT SHOULD WE CALL YOU?
Abigail (Abby is fine), she/her
WILL YOU BE PRESENTING AS A WOMAN RIGHT AWAY?
Not always, but more and more as my transition continues.
WHAT’S BEEN YOUR BIGGEST STRUGGLE SO FAR?
Buttons on the wrong side of the shirt.
NO, SERIOUSLY. HOW CAN I SUPPORT YOU?
Thank you for asking!
As much as you can, just be around me as you always have been. More than anything, I want to be around my community, my tribe. Feel free to compliment my cute new skirt / top / shoes.
HOW OPEN ARE YOU TO QUESTIONS?
Very, but please use this as a guide: if you wouldn't want the same question asked of you, it's probably too personal.
LINKS OF INTEREST
- How to be an ally to a trans friend - Everyday Feminism
- Understanding Transgender, the basics - National Center for Transgender Equality
- 52 things you can do for transgender equality - National Center for Transgender Equality
- Pronoun Etiquette - Vanderbilt University
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